Almost Married
by Lauralogan80
Summary: While Phoebe's and Gerald's parents are away, the two decided to "live together as a couple", despite the warnings of Helga and Arnold, that living with the person you love isn't always easy, and you can learn some pretty horrible things about the one you love. Will their relationship survive? GeraldxPhoebe centred fic!
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Hey Arnold.

….

….

Monday:

"Are you absolutely sure about this, darling?" her mother asked her, cupping her cheek with one hand.

Phoebe waved her off.

"Of course, mother. I'll be fine," she assured her.

Her mother still looked worried though.

"We can trust her, Reba," Mr. Heyerdahl said to his wife, gently. "She has never let us down when we've left home alone before."

"Okay, no parties, no boys," Reba said. And although Phoebe's dad had been positive, his look held warning. "Maybe ask Helga to come stay."

Phoebe had planned to. Helga was having a hard time at home at the moment, so Phoebe had offered her to stay with her and keep her company while her parents were away for two weeks on a "couples retreat", something they had started when Phoebe turned twelve, and they had encountered a crisis in their marriage. Deciding that they weren't spending enough time alone as a couple, they decided to take a vacation together alone. Reluctantly, since, Phoebe had stayed with the Pataki's, but this year, at seventeen, they decided to leave her home alone.

Phoebe wasn't sure who was more excited at the prospect. Her or Helga.

"We love you, and you know where we've left you money. Theres also money in your credit card, for emergencies only," her father told her picking up their suitcases. "And I don't mean fashion emergencies. I mean cash stolen or worse emergencies."

Phoebe nodded. She was so excited, but nervous and a little worried. But Helga had been looking after herself for years, so Phoebe knew she was in good hands.

Plus Helga was a surprisingly awesome cook!

"I love you, mom, I love you dad," she said, hugging and kissing each just as their cab parked. Standing on the stoop she watched as her parents loaded their stuff in the car. Just as they finished Helga came walking up.

"Have a nice trip, Mr. and Mrs. Heyerdahl," she said sincerely. Reba turned around and hugged the girl.

"You look after my girl, okay?" she said.

Helga smiled. "With my life."

Both girls waved good-bye to her parents as the taxi drove away. Then Helga turned to Phoebe.

"Ready for school?"

…..

…..

"No way!" Gerald cried out. People looked towards him and Phoebe. Helga rolled her eyes, and Arnold just stood looking stunned.

"Nope. Just me and Helga, living together for two weeks, no adults," she told him.

"Think we could sneak in a sleepover?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

Phoebe giggled.

"Geez, hair boy, could you sound any more sleazier?" Helga asked. Gerald glared her way.

Arnold took Helga's arm and lead her away, leaving Phoebe and Gerald alone. Phoebe watched them go, seeing them whisper animatedly with each other.

"My parents said no boys," she told Gerald. "Plus what would you tell your parents?"

"They're away this weekend, and part of next week," Gerald told her. "Jamie O is in charge, but to hell with that!"

Phoebe wanted desperately to say yes. She knew that Helga and Arnold had slept together over summer, and she noticed something different between them. Something more intimate in their looks, words and touches.

She wanted that with Gerald. She really did.

"I'll think about it," she said.

….

….

"What!?" Helga screamed.

"Keep it down!" Phoebe said, "I just said I'd think about it. Besides, it's not like you wont be sneaking Arnold over, or sneaking off to his place."

Helga turned a little pink. Phoebe noted that she didn't say anything.

"I need you on board with this," Phoebe pleaded.

She could see Helga thinking it over.

"We could both have our boyfriends there, Helga. No supervision," Phoebe added.

Helga sighed.

"Fine," she said. "When does he move in?"

…...

…..

Friday:

"Can you believe it, man?" Gerald said excitedly. "Living with our girlfriends for a week! It'll be like being married or something."

Arnold nodded, but said nothing. Him and Helga had tried this experiment last year when they were given a "family" project to work on. They'd nearly broken up because of it! It's why, even though Arnold could stay as long as he liked, both he and Helga had decided to keep it to stay overs only on the weekends. They still saw each other every day, but that was just it.

"I know it sounds all exciting, Gerald," Arnold said. Gerald tensed. He knew that tone in his best friends voice. He was about to pop his happy bubble. "But it's not easy living with someone. You never really know someone til you've lived with them. Trust me."

"Yeah, but you lived with Helga Pataki. Man, I'd break up with her without living with her," Gerald said. Though he tolerated Helga, for Phoebe and Arnold's sake, he still didn't like the girl. And the feeling was mutual.

"Gerald, I'm serious," Arnold said. "Your gonna learn things about Phoebe you may not want to know."

"Like what?" Gerald challenged.

"I don't know, but there'll be something she does, or even that you do, that will annoy the heck out of the other," Arnold said. "Trust me on this."

"I doubt anything Phoebe could do would put me off!" he said, confidently.

"We'll see."

…..

….

"It's no field of daisies, Phoebe, trust me," Helga said, finishing a retelling of her and Arnold's time as a "married" couple last year for a school project. "He annoyed the heck out of me with these little quirks and nuances that I never knew he had. You really get to know someone a little better when you live with them, and it's not always a good thing."

Phoebe nodded, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"Okay, Helga," she said.

"I'm serious, Pheebs!" Helga insisted.

"Gerald and I get along very well, and we aren't as . . . flammable, as you and Arnold," Phoebe told her best friend.

"Huh? Flammable? What? That doesn't even make sense. Are you sure that is the word you meant to use?" Helga asked.

Phoebe sighed. "I'm mearly stating that you and Arnold a polar opposites, and as such you tend to have more conflict in your relationship," she told her.

"Yeah," Helga said tapping her chin with her finger. Then she smirked. "But the make up sex is awesome!"

"Helga!" Phoebe cried. Helga just cackled.

"I'm sorry, Pheebs," she said. "But seriously. Your gonna find out things about Gerald you may not like. Much or at all!"

Phoebe just smiled confidently. "I'm sure we can work it out."

"We'll see," was all Helga said, sighing.

…

…

Friday Night - 6PM

Phoebe answered the door, and Arnold and Gerald came in, carrying their overnight bags. Gerald looked excited, and was almost jumping around.

"Helga's in the kitchen finishing dinner," Phoebe told Arnold. Arnold put his things down and went to find his girlfriend.

Suddenly it felt awkward for her. Both her and Gerald just kind of stood there for a moment.

"So, uh, Helga's cooking, eh?" he asked.

Phoebe nodded. It was silent for a few seconds, til Helga came along.

"Grub's up, and don't worry hair boy, I didn't put rat poison in your food," Helga said, making a joke. He hoped. "They were all out. So I substituted with dishwashing liquid!"

"Helga!" Phoebe cried. Helga walked off laughing.

"I'm joking! Seriously! But dinners served!"

…

…

Phoebe watched the playful banter between Helga and Arnold. Sometimes they would say what phoebe thought were down right mean, but it didn't phase them. They just retorted with something else. But then she would see the love in their eyes, and again intimate moments. She looked over at Gerald who was wolfing down his food.

"Man, Pataki, you know how to cook!" he said. The whole table went silent, no one looking more shocked than Helga and Gerald themselves. "Uh, I mean, you make an okay feed."

"Just yours," she said in a sing-song voice. "I added a little extra."

Gerald stopped eating for a second.

"Will it kill me?" he asked.

"No. That would make Phoebe cry. I love Phoebe, I don't want her to cry," Helga said.

Gerald shrugged and went back to eating.

"What a pig," Helga muttered. Gerald glared, Helga smirked, and Arnold rolled his eyes. How did Helga do that? How did she get so comfortable with someone that she could insult them so easily? And how come the insulted always forgave her?

"So Gerald, I set up the guest room for you," she said.

"The guest room?" he asked, surprised.

"Hey, be thankful it's not the doghouse," Helga said, smiling. Gerald ignored her.

"Oh, I thought maybe we'd, you know," he said.

Phoebe looked to Helga, who looked at Arnold, who avoided contact with Phoebe altogether.

"Wanna help me make pavlova?" Helga asked him.

"Sure thing," Arnold said, jumping up and practically teleporting into the kitchen. Helga gave Phoebe an encouraging grin, then disappeared into the kitchen as well.

"Oh, well, um," Phoebe stuttered, blushing. "I-I sup-suppose we could, um, sleep in the same room."

"I just figured, since we have the opportunity, why not?" Gerald said.

"This will be great, Pheebs," he said, reaching out and taking her hand in his. "It'll get us prepared for when we finally move in together next year."

Phoebe nodded, wondering what he was talking about.

…

…

"Alright, you she-devil," Gerald said. "Even I know when to give the devil his due. You, woman, are a fantastic cook."

"Thankyou," Helga said, not really paying attention to him. She was smiling and playing with the kiwifruit on her plate. Phoebe dropped her spoon and leaned down to pick it up, not even thinking, and just happened to see why Helga seemed so distant. Arnold had his hand in her panties. She whipped up real fast, blushing. Helga and Arnold both went red, and Phoebe thought her face was on fire.

"So, uh, we'll leave you guys to it then?" Arnold said. Phoebe nodded as he and Helga got up and left.

"Do you think she saw?" she heard Arnold ask Helga as they disappeared into the hallway.

"Saw what?" Gerald asked, leaning forward.

Phoebe shook her head, going an even deeper red, to the point it was hurting!

"Were they playing footsie or something?" Gerald asked.

"Please, Gerald. Its between them," she said, covering her hot cheeks with her cool palms.

"Oh," Gerald said, finally getting it. "Yeah, I've caught them getting frisky with each other on accident a few times as well."

Phoebe just shook her head. She felt like crying or laughing, she wasn't sure which.

…

…

Phoebe had just finished rinsing the glasses, and was about to start on the plates when Gerald walked in, picked up a tea towel and went to dry the dishes.

"Oh, no, Gerald," Phoebe said, taking it from him. "I prefer to let them air dry."

"Air dry?" Gerald asked, making a face. "But then how are you going to put them away if they're still wet?"

"Oh, well, I find that the plates dry real fast because-"

"Then why did you wash the glasses first?" he asked.

"Because," she said, as if trying to talk to a child. "After the plates go in, there will be bits of food floating around, and maybe grease, and I don't want it getting on the glasses."

"Which wouldn't be a problem if you used the tea towel because you could just wipe it off," Gerald pointed out.

Phoebe frowned.

"I do it this way," she snapped.

Gerald raised both hands and backed away.

"What ever you say, babe," he said. "I'll be in the lounge. Arnold brought his box over, so we're gonna play a game."

"Okay," she said, relaxing.

"By the way, Pheebs?"

"Yeah?"

"Think you could bring some snacks in when your finished?"

…

…

Well that's the end of this chapter. R&R and give these two some LOVE!


	2. Chapter 2

…..

Friday Night:

…..

Phoebe got up to go to the loo, passing by the room Helga and Arnold were staying in, she heard them whispering and giggling together. She walked on past, and did her business.

Gerald had come up and while they were talking he'd fallen asleep. How Arnold and Helga could still be up when it was almost midnight was a mystery to her, that was solved when she walked past again. Blushing she kept going. She knew that Arnold and Helga were close and intimate. But knowing and hearing and witnessing it were two different things. And though she tried, she could get the image of contentment on Helga's face that Phoebe had found out came from Arnold's hand in her pants.

Did it really feel that good? Phoebe felt a bit grossed out by the feelings that her body was having, thinking about that scene. She had touched herself of course, but never had anyone ever touched her. Did it feel different? Or the same? Did the other person enjoy it as well?

Then she would think about Gerald and touching him. Could she? Would she dare? She blushed again. Oh, how she wanted to know the answers, but at the same time, she never wanted to know!

She'd ask Helga tomorrow.

She walked past Gerald, who was laying on the floor, and climbed back into her bed. She laid there for a while, trying to push out of her mind all pornographic images of Arnold and Helga that kept creeping into her mind. What was wrong with her!? She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, dreaming of her and Gerald doing sexy things. Things she had once read about in Helga's diary. A feeling was developing deep in her lower stomach, and never regions, and she could feel the climax coming.

"Uh, Phoebe?" she heard his voice whispering.

"Yes, Gerald, yes?" she moaned. Then her eyes fluttered open and she saw Gerald looking down at her shocked and embarrassed. Phoebe froze. Gerald broke eye contact first.

"Sorry, I needed to go to the loo, and, uh, looked over, I'm sorry," he mumbled and hurried out of the room. Once he was gone it was then that Phoebe realized what was wrong. Her hand was up her nightie and between her thighs. The blankets had come off, revealing it all.

She'd been masterbating and he'd seen it!

She wished that she could die!

….

Saturday morning

….

The feeling wasn't much better the next morning when she told Helga. Helga was howling with laughter.

"Oh, man!" she said. "I wish I'd been a fly on the wall to see the look on his face!"

"Helga!" Phoebe admonished. Helga just grinned at her.

"So what did he say when he got back from the toilet?" Helga asked.

"Nothing. And he was gone before I woke up," she said, covering her face with her hands and starting to cry.

Helga stopped laughing and smiling, and wrapped an arm around her best friends shoulders.

"Hey, Pheeb's, it's okay," she told her.

"How can it be okay, Helga?" Phoebe demanded. "He saw me masturbating, and heard me moaning, and knew I was thinking of him!" She fell back onto the couch.

"Well, it was bound to happen eventually," Helga said. "Plus, he should feel flattered that someone as smart and awesome as you, has sexy dreams of him! And in case you've forgotten, babes, I'm the drama queen in our duo."

….

….

Arnold was trying not to laugh.

"Man, I couldn't even look at her this morning," Gerald said, waving the bag of bagals around. "How do you handle a situation like that?"

"Offer to help?" Arnold suggested.

Gerald glared at him.

"Are you serious?" he asked.

Arnold nodded.

"So what? Helga's done that on front of you before?"

Again Arnold nodded.

"Have you, you know, in front of her?"

A nod.

"Jesus!" Gerald shouted. "How is she not pregnant?"

"Birth control," Arnold said. "Look, Gerald, it's not that big a deal. If your going to live together in a mature relationship, you have to be prepared to deal with mature situations. Like last night. And that's just the beginning! Wait til it's that time of the month!"

Gerald shuddered. Man, he hoped that didn't happen during his stay. Some things a guy just didn't want to know about his girlfriend, and that was one of them.

"Gerald, you need to know. I keep track of Helga's, though mostly so I know how short her temper is going to be. She gets real grumpy and weepy and bonkers leading up to it, and its best to just keep your head down and not argue with her," Arnold told him. "This is stuff your going to need to learn about Phoebe, too, if you two plan to live together."

Gerald sighed.

"I spose," he said in defeat.

"How do you do it, Arnold?" Gerald asked.

"Do what?"

"Live with knowing so much about Helga? don't you find it gross?" he asked.

Arnold shrugged. "Part of life. Plus I love her, and its something all woman go through, so no matter who I was with, I'd still have to deal with it."

….

Saturday lunch

….

"Helga used left over chicken from last night to make a chicken salad for lunch," Phoebe told the boys.

"Cool," Arnold said, getting up and leaving the lounge.

"Dude! Our game!" Gerald called out.

"It's not going anywhere, Gerald," Arnold said. "But I cant say the same for my stomach if I don't feed it."

Gerald shook his head.

"Pussy whipped," he muttered.

"What?" Phoebe asked.

"Helga say jump, he says how high?" Gerald told her, pausing the game and getting up.

"Hey, guys, Helga and I were going to go for a walk in Tina Park after lunch," Arnold said as Gerald walked in. "You guys wanna come along?"

Gerald raised an eyebrow. Something about the way Arnold said that and was looking at him, told him he should say yes. He looked over Helga, who was staring at him hard.

"Nah, it's cool, eh Pheebs?" he said. "You guys go ahead."

"Actually, Gerald, I wouldn't mind going for a walk and getting out of the house," Phoebe said.

"Really?" he asked, a slight whine in his voice. Phoebe nodded, "Fine, fine, okay, we'll go for a walk."

…

Saurday evening

…

After dinner, Arnold and Helga decided to do the dishes.

"Man, the game," Gerald said. "We havent finished it yet."

"Go play with your friend, Arnold, I'll be fine," Helga said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you've spent all day with me, go spend time with him, before he deafens us all with his whining," she said, grabbing the plates and going into the kitchen.

Gerald smiled triumphantly and dashed into the lounge, Arnold following behind.

Both boys were already into the game when Phoebe came in, sat down, and watched. She didn't get the premise of the game. It looked like they were driving cars, but they were smashing into things and people, and the music was so loud and obnoxious.

"So whats the point of this game?" Phoebe asked.

"Just a minute, babe," Gerald said.

Ten mintues passed, and he hadn't answered her. Arnold had looked back a few times and smiled, but that was all. Helga came in, carrying sodas and two bowels of popcorn.

"Thanks, Hel," Arnold said, kissing her cheek as she placed the bowl on the floor between them.

"Yeah, yeah, wouldn't want you boys starving to death," she said, rolling her eyes. She left two sodas with them and came over, handing a soda to Phoebe.

"They'll be like this for a while," Helga said, taking a handful of popcorn.

"How long is a while?" Phoebe asked. Helga just shrugged. "Well, I don't get the game. I don't know what's the point, what's going on, or anything." Again, Helga shrugged and put a finger to her lips. Then pulled out a book and started to read.

Phoebe frowned.

"So what are you trying to achieve with this game, Gerald?" Phoebe asked.

"Become an underworld boss," he said.

"Why?"

"Because."

"It's so violent," she said. Gerald shrugged.

She continued to ask questions and Gerald kept giving short answers in the hope that Phoebe would get the point. He was chilling out with his bud. This is what guys would do together. He looked back. Helga was reading a book, but he saw her look at Phoebe and shake her head, again putting a finger to her lips. He may not have got along with Helga, but at least she knew to be quiet when the boys were playing a game! Finally it got to much.

"Phoebe, just be quiet!" he yelled. Everyone went quiet. Arnold and Helga looked first at each other, then at Phoebe, who looked as though she was about to cry. "Phoebe, I'm-"

But she got up and took off out of the lounge and up the stairs. Gerald paused his game, dropped his controller and went after her. She slammed her bedroom door, and Gerald discovered, had locked it.

"Pheebs, come on!" he called out, knocking on the door.

"Go away!" she yelled from the other side. "Go play your stupid, precious game, that's so much more important than me!"

"It's not more important than you," he said desperately. "It was down time, thats all."

"From what, Gerald? You haven't done anything!"

Gerald pulled back from the door.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Helga cooked last night, I did the dishes. I cooked tonight, Helga did the dishes. Even Arnold offered to do the dishes! But it was all "oh dude our game wah wah wah!" she screamed.

"If you wanted me to do the dishes," he said angrily, "all you had to do is ask!"

"I shouldn't need too, Gerald. It should be a common courtesy!"

"Let me handle this," Helga said from behind him. "I'll try talking her down. Pheebs, its me!"

Phoebe opened her door and Helga slipped in.

"Come on, man," Arnold said. "Lets play til the girls come back."

Gerald just nodded.

…..

"I just cant believe him!" Phoebe said.

"He's a guy," Helga said nonchalantly. "Don't worry about it."

"Ugh! Do you know what he did with his towel this morning? He left it on the bedroom floor!" phoebe yelled. Helga nodded. "And he didn't put the cap back on the toothpaste!"

"Uh huh," Helga said.

"And then he ignores me all day to play that stupid game," she said.

"Not all day, we went for that walk remember?"

"And I had to beg him to go, remember?" Phoebe answered back. Helga sighed.

"Pheebs-"

"My father has never treated my mother this way!"

Helga laughed. "Your father is what? Fifty years old?"

"Fifty nine. So?"

"So, Gerald is eighteen. This is what eighteen year old guys do!" she said.

"He didn't even offer to help cook or do dishes, Helga. Even Arnold does that," Phoebe pointed out.

"Yeah, but Arnold and Gerald are two completely different people," Helga said. "You cant compare the two. That would be like someone comparing you and me to each other."

"It's annoying," Phoebe said. "He's always paid attention to me and only me. But as soon as we're living together, bam! It's like he doesn't want to spend any time with me at all!"

…..

"I just don't get it, man," Gerald said. "She gets angry at everything. Like this morning, I put a towel on the chair, but it fell off onto the floor. She walked in, picked it up and glared at me, but didntsay anything. And she's going on about cooking and dishes. Man, we went out and got bagels this morning! Wasn't that enough?"

Arnold nodded but said nothing.

"And then there was the toothpaste incident. You'd think I committed a federal crime, the way she was going on about it! And what was that just here? She could see we were playing the game, and I thought I made it pretty obvious I didn't want to talk, but she completely ignored the hints!"

"I don't know what to say," Arnold said.

"Man, I spend time with her all the time, but I need my space, man, my down time! My bro time, you know? I mean, Helga gets it, why cant Pheebs?"

"Gerald, Helga has been hanging out with us guys since we were in nappies!" Arnold said, laughing. "She knows how our minds work, to a degree."

"Still . . . And she compared me to you," he said, bitterly, giving his best friend a slight glare. Arnold shrugged.

"Didn't you just compare her to Helga?"

"Did I tell you about the tea towel drama last night?" Gerald asked. Arnold shook his head. "See, this is why I didn't offer to do the dishes, man. Last night, I go in there to help her out, yyou know, dry the dishes for her? And then she bites my head off and is all 'I don't use tea towels!; like it was a crime to do so."

"Okay," Arnold said.

"It's the way she said it, man. Like I was stupid or something. Then she explained why she washed the glasses first and all that," Gerald finished.

"Look, maybe you and Phoebe should call this little experiment off," Arnold suggested.

"What? Why?"

"Because you're only two days in and your already getting pissed off with each other," he said.

"No. we'll get over it."

"Whatever you say, Gerald."


	3. Chapter 3

…..

Saturday Night - Bedtime

…..

Phoebe wasn't just brushing her teeth. She was scrubbing them til her gums hurt, all the while clenching her jaw. "Uggggggggh!" she tried to scream in frustration. But all it did was make toothpaste dribble out of her mouth. She turned on the tap, filled her cup, then turned it off. After rinsing her mouth she went and climbed into bed, turning her bedside lamp off.

"What did I do wrong _this_ time?" Gerald demanded from his spot on the floor.

Phoebe remained silent. She knew it was silly, but she was even more annoyed with him than before because he left the tap running while he was brushing his teeth. There was no reason for it to be on. Then, instead of using a cup like a civilised person, he'd put his mouth to the faucet and filled his mouth with water that way, then spat it out. And he didn't rinse the sink afterwards, even though there was still a bit of spat out toothpaste on the side.

"Phoebe?" he asked again.

"Go to sleep," she snapped.

…...

Sunday Morning

…

"Good morning, sunshine!" Gerald heard Helga sing in the hallway. He heard Arnold laughing and joining in as they walked down the stairs together.

See? Why couldn't Phoebe be like that? Instead she had gotten up and left the room without so much as a good morning!

Reluctantly, he dragged himself out of his bed and did his morning ritual of shower, teeth, dress. Then he went downstairs. Phoebe was making pancakes and Helga and Arnold were talking to her.

"It's just gross," Phoebe was saying.

"Come on, Pheebs," he heard Helga say. "It's just a little water and some spat toothpaste. It didn't kill anyone."

"That's not the point," she said, glaring at her. "It's gross! And he drank from the faucet, Helga, instead of a cup."

"Pheebs, I do that," she pointed out.

Gerald shook his head. What was the world coming to when Helga. G. Pataki was defending him to his girlfriend?

"When Helga and I did our road trip last holidays we were spitting into the same bottle," Arnold told her. "That's gross!"

"Yeah, at least in a sink you can wash it away," Helga added.

"I expected this from Arnold, Helga, he's Gerald's best friend. But your supposed to be on my side!"

"This isn't about sides, Phoebe," Arnold said.

"Look, how about Arnold and I go out tonight, and you and Gerald spend some quality time together?" Helga suggested.

Phoebe sighed. "I suppose."

"Great! Arnold we're banging at your place this afternoon!"

"Oh, god, Helga! Too much information!" Phoebe squealed. Gerald grinned at Helga's laughing. Girl had no shame!

"That's better, Ms. Grumpy Pants."

Gerald chose the moment while Phoebe was laughing to walk in.

"Good morning all," he said, taking a seat.

"Good morning Gerald," the three said at the same time.

They ate their breakfast, tuning out Helga and Arnold. Sometimes tuning them out was all Phoebe could do to keep her wits about her.

"Arnold and Helga are leaving us alone tonight," Phoebe said.

"Cool," he said.

Arnold and Helga looked at each other.

"You know, Gerald, Arnold was saying you make a mean chicken pasta dish," Helga was saying.

"Yeah, it's simple as, too," Gerald said. He looked at Helga who was giving him a funny look. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she shook her head and sighed, then got up to help Phoebe bring in the pancakes.

Gerald once again wolfed his down. Helga kept stealing off Arnold's plate and vice versa. Phoebe contemplated trying it with Gerald, but with the way he was eating, he'd most likely eat her hand!

So she sat quietly and ate.

…..

Sunday afternoon

…..

"We're off!" Arnold called out.

"Don't do anything _we_ wouldn't do!" Helga sang out, laughing.

The house was quiet. Phoebe had curled up with some homework, Gerald turned on a game. They sat in silence, doing their own separate things for a little while. Then Phoebe got up and went to the loo.

The deal had been, Arnold and Helga the downstairs bathroom, Phoebe and Gerald the upstairs. When she finished she reached for the toilet paper but found an empty roll. It taunted her, and she swore she could hear it laughing evily. Gerald was in here last.

"Shit!" she cursed. She rarely cursed. "I can't believe him!". She shook herself as best she could, then reaching down, pulled her pants and undies out so no wee would drip on them and did a weird kind of crab walk over to the bathroom sink. She cringed. She could feel some dribbling down her leg. She grabbed a roll and ripped some off, dabbing the bit heading towards her pants before it could get there, then drying off the rest. Then she marched to the toilet, dropped the paper in and flushed, putting the paper on the roll. It was while she was washing her hands that she had her stroke of genius.

Helga must have been rubbing off her . . .

….

Sunday Night

….

Gerald ran to the loo and slammed the door, sitting down to do his business. He'd taken in a magazine to read, as he was going to be some time. He was a bit mad because Phoebe had kept him doing dishes. Their afternoon slash evening had gone by quietly. Phoebe had cooked a bacon and egg pie.

They'd eaten in silence. She was obviously still mad about the day before, and Gerald just didn't get it. He had gotten over the whole drama, but obviously _she_ hadn't, and he couldn't understand why.

It wasn't til he was done that he realised why she was mad. Looking at the toilet roll he swore. He'd used the last of it this morning. But Phoebe had used the toilet since. And so had he, how had he not noticed there was no toilet paper there?

'_Because you don't need it when you pee, you moron_!' his brain screamed at him. Wow. Woman were good at revenge. What was he going to do? He couldn't walk over to the sink cupboard to grab a roll . . . it would squish! He sat there for a moment then realised.

He had no choice.

He had to do it.

So he got up and made his way to the cupboard and opened it only to find there was no toilet paper in there!

"What the?!" he yelled. "Phoebe!"

Phoebe heard him calling her from upstairs, but decided to make him wait a bit, smirking while knowing exactly what his dilemma was. She'd taken all the toilet rolls out of the bathroom and put them in the hall cupboard. '_That'll teach him to be a little more considerate,_' she thought. After a couple of minutes she decided to answer his calls for help.

"Are you alright?" she called up.

"No! There's no damn toilet paper!" he yelled down.

"Oh, really?" she called back.

"Pheebs, I'm sorry, okay? I should have replaced it this morning, but I didn't," he called down.

Phoebe sighed.

"Give me a minute!" she called, coming up the stairs and grabbed a roll out of the hall cupboard and left it outside the bathroom door for him, and knocked to let him know it was there. Then she went back downstairs.

A couple of minutes later he came down, looking pissed off.

"What the_ hell_, Pheebs?" he demanded. "Was that really necessary?"

"Now you know how I felt," she said.

"What are you, _five_?" he snapped.

"What did you just say?" she demanded, turning on him with a glare.

"You heard me," he said. "This kind of behaivour I would expect from someone like my sister when she was five. How immature can you be?"

"Says Mr. Spends-All-Day-Playing-Video-Games!" she yelled back.

"So tonight didn't go well?" they heard Helga ask.

They both turned to see Arnold and Helga standing there, looking in on them warily.

"She hid the fucking toilet paper to teach me a lesson!" he yelled.

"He didn't put a new toilet roll on after he used all of it!" Phoebe screamed.

"She's a neat freak!"

"He's wasteful!"

"She's vengeful and spiteful!"

"You're a pig! And your dirty, too!"

"Your a bitch!"

"You're an unsansitised prick!"

"Yeah? Well _your_ dumped!"

"Thank _fuck_ for that!" Phoebe screamed. She stormed past Arnold and Helga and up the stairs.

"Pheebs," Helga called out, heading up the stairs, before screaming and ducking as Gerald's bag flew over her head. "Phoebe, stop!"

"Gerald, listen-"

"No! The time for listening is done!" he screamed in Arnold's face. "Hey!"

Arnold rushed to Helga's rescue. She was trying to get down the stairs while not having Gerald's clothes land on her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the safety of the lounge.

"Well, that escalated quickly," Arnold said.

"What are we going to do?" she asked.

Arnold just shook his head.

"And here's your dirty, skiddy boxers!" Phoebe finished, throwing down worn underwear. "You're a slob, Gerald! I'm your girlfriend, not your bloody mother!"

"You _were_ my girlfriend!" Gerald yelled out, correcting her.

…...

Monday

….

"They didn't even survive the weekend," Helga said incredulous. "Even _we_ survived a weekend!"

Arnold just nodded.

It had been an awkward morning for the two. Neither Gerald nor Phoebe were talking to each other, or even wanted to be anywhere near each other. They walked in opposite directions, avoiding each other at all costs.

"And they're supposedly the normal couple!"

Both Arnold and Helga sat silently together at the table.

"Hi, guys," Lila said sitting down across from Arnold, and giving him a big smile.

"Hey," Arnold said, without looking at her.

"I just . . . I don't get it," Helga said.

"Get what?" Lila asked.

Helga looked up to finally see her there. Usually she would be jealous and annoyed at her presence, because Lila often flirted with Arnold. Not because she wanted him, but because Lila knew she could have the flirtatious banter with Arnold, and not worry about him coming onto her. It was nice for Lila, especially after all the idiots who had been trying to get into her pants the past three years. Helga was lucky. But right now, she was still shell shocked from the break up of Phoebe and Gerald to feel anything else.

"Phoebe and Gerald broke up over the weekend," Arnold told her.

"Oh, my, that's horrible!" Lila cried out, looking concerned. "What happened?"

"They tried the "living-together-as-a-couple-experience", and it didn't work out so well for them," Helga told her.

"But Phoebe and Gerald? I would have thought they wouldn't have a problem," she said, looking over to where Phoebe was sitting with Rhonda. "She's sitting with Rhonda."

"Damn," Helga said, looking over. "Way to sit with the bitterest bitch in the school, Pheebs."

Rhonda was known for being very anti-relationships, but only because she didn't get the man she was after: Harold Berman. She had tried, and still does, to cause problems in his relationship with Patty, but it never goes to plan . . .

"So are you planning to get them back together?" Lila asked.

Arnold and Helga looked at each other then silently came to an agreement.

"No," Arnold said.

"They just need space," Helga said.

"That's what worked for Helga and I," Arnold said.

"Plus, it's stuff they need to work through. Really, actually work through. This is more than just a kiss and make up. This is serious talking," Helga said.

Lila nodded.

"Well, I wish them luck," she said. "It would be such a shame if they didn't work it out."

…...

…

Short chapter, sorry. More to come soon.


	4. Chapter 4

(Back. Computer issues)

"This has gone on long enough!" Helga declared, standing up and banging her fist onto the table, making both Lila and Arnold jump. "We've sat by and done nothing long enough. It's time for action!"  
Lila and Arnold both exchanged worried looks. It never bode well for anyone when Helga got ideas in her head. Though they would admit that, yes, she was an excellent match-maker (if she liked you), she had a bit of a dramatic flare when it came to executing her plans and ideas. Usually a lot of poetic, dramatic, nonsense.  
It had been two weeks since Phoebe and Gerald had broken up. Rhonda had happily wrapped Phoebe under her "wing", and she now sat with her regularly. Her parents had inquired about Gerald, but she just told them she didn't want to talk about it.  
Gerald sat with the basketball team. They hadn't spoken to each other, and had made it awkward for Arnold and Helga. Which in turn cut into their together time. It also didn't help that a couple of girls were sniffing around Gerald. It made Phoebe even angrier.  
"What are you thinking?" Lila asked warily.  
It was very rare that Arnold ever felt the need to strike someone, but right now he could have slapped Lila for egging Helga on. He groaned inwardly when his girlfriends lips twitched wickedly. He should probably warn his parents. Just in case they needed them to come bail them out.  
"Romance!" she said dramatically, hand shaping an invisible rainbow. Arnold swallowed his food. Helga's idea of romance was a little . . . what was a nice word to say smothering?  
"Okay," Lila said, smiling happily. Arnold glared at her. "Where do we start?"  
"Mrs. Vitello's," she said. "A big bunch of Phoebe's favourite flowers."  
"That's it?" Arnold asked, Half surprised, half hoping.  
Helga looked down on him. "No, Arnold. We need to set up a romantic dinner, too."  
she pointed to Lila. "Flowers!" Then she pointed to Arnold. "Reservations!"  
she sat down and smiled. "I'll handle the rest."

….

"Hello, Mrs. Vitello," Lila said, smiling and walking over to the elderly lady. "How are you today?"  
"Oh, Lila, sweetheart, I'm fine," she said raspily. She was slightlyl hunched these days. Lila often came in to help her on weekends, and all the girls came together during Valentines to help with all the floral arrangments. Even Rhonda would join them.  
"I'm needing to put together a bouqet for a friend to give to his girlfriend," Lila said. "Is it okay if I take a look and then put something together?"  
"Go right ahead, dear, and don't worry about paying for it," Mrs. Vitello smiled. "It's on the house."  
"Thankyou ever so much," Lila said sweetly, then made her way around. Okay, Helga had said Phoebe loved lillies but was allergic to . . . oh, what was it? She searched in her pocket for the piece of paper Helga had written it all down on, but couldn't find it.  
"Oh dear," she whispered. Sliding her bag off her shoulder and placing it on the floor she decided to search through her bag. She bit her lip, then started chewing it. It was in her pockets and wasn't in her bag. Where was it?  
"Lila dear, are you okay?" Mrs. Vitello asked, coming over to her.  
"Oh, yes, I just lost the piece of paper that had a list of her favourite flowers and which she was allergic to."

"Oh, well, how about we work with what you do know she likes, and go from there?" the woman asked kindly. Lila smiled and nodded.

….

"Hi, reservation for two please," Arnold said over the phone. "Tomorrow night sounds fine. Under Johansson. Thank-you. Yes, I'll ring tomorriw to confirm."  
Arnold quickly wrote down the details and Chez Paris, then pinned it to the wall, then went off to find his girlfriend and let her know his part was done.  
"Oh, Arnold," Suzy called out. Arnold stopped, hand on the door. What now? "There's a weird sound coming from the kitchen sink. Do you think you could have a look at it?"  
"Isn't dad here?" he asked.  
"Oh, him and your mother rushed off in a hurry today. Something about artifacts and the museum and som interns mistake or something . . ."  
Arnold rolled his eyes. Typical. His parents were good at disappearing.  
"Okay, I just need to check on something and I'll be right-"  
WHOOSH!  
"Oh my God!" Suzy screamed, tumbling into the hallway. Arnold rushed into the kitchen to see that water was spraying from the sink into the air like a fountain. He sighed. He'd have to get in touch with Helga later.

….

Helga rolled her eyes when she saw the flashing lights behind her. She pulled over and groaned as she saw the cop pull up behind her. What now? The drive had been terrible enough. She'd driven two towns over to get specific chocolates from this special little place that the two girls had discovered once. Phoebe loved them, and Helga had gone and chosen out her absolute favourites. Then her had gotten a flat tyre. A perv had stopped to help her, and had tried to follow her into her car. Lila ringing had freaked the guy out when Helga had told her about the perv and given Lila his liscnce plate number. The guy swore at her, jumped into his own car and driven off. Helga had taken it down anyway, and gotten a picture of him on her phone and had every intention of notifying a traffic cop. But of course she hadn't seen any.  
Until now anyway.  
"Licence," he said into her open window. She opened her purse and showed him her licence. "Miss, do you know how fast you were going?"  
"No," Helga sighed, rubbing her forehead.  
"It was over the speed limit," he informed her. "Did you not see the sign?"  
"How could I see the sign officer, if I was speeding?" she snapped.  
"No need to be rude, miss," he said. Helga raised an eyebrow. Miss? He can't have been much older than her!  
"How old are you?" she asked. "Twelve?"  
"Miss, I'm just doing my job," he said, writing her a ticket.  
"Oh really?" she asked.  
"Really," he affirmed.  
"Well here's a side job," she said, taking out the piece of paper she had written down the details of the perv down on. "This guy is a pervert who tried to accost me in my car. He's still driving around too. Hey, you know what? While you're here giving me a ticket for going five over, he could be off raping some poor girl in her car."  
the cop looked at the paper, then at her. "How long ago?"  
"About fifteen minutes," she said, frowning.  
he walked off to his car, and said something into the radio, then came back.  
"Miss, if you see him again, call nine one one and lock your car doors," he said. He nodded to her and walked back to his car and got in.  
"Wait, my ticket!" she called out the window.  
"Stay under the limit, and consider this your last shred of luck for the day," he called out as he passed her, then continued off down the highway.  
"What was that about?" she murmered. Then she shrugged. Not her problem.

…

"Okay, so I have the flowers ready to be delivered to her locker tomorrow morning," Lila said.  
"Reservations done," Arnold told Helga smiling.  
"And I hid the chocolates in her locker during math," Helga said proudly, smiling.  
"Weren't you late?" Lila asked,  
"Late?"  
"To Math?"  
Arnold and Helga looked at each other and smiled.  
"You know what?" Lila said smirking, "Nevermind. I don't want to know."

…..

Phoebe opened her locker to see a big bouqet of Lily flowers sitting in her locker, with a card attatched, and a box of chocolates. Her favourites. Phoebe breathed in the scent of the Lillies, then sneezed. Oh no! The daisies! She was allergic to these particular daisies, that had been hidden under the lillies. She could feel her throat closing up, and her face swell.  
Gerald knew she was allergic to daisies!

….

When Gerald left his class he saw some people gathered around in the hallway. Walking over he saw Phoebe struggling to breath, and the school nurse with her.  
"There's an ambulance on the way now, dear, and we'll call your parents and let them know what's happening."  
"Phoebe?" he cried out, dropping his bag and running over to her. She was wheezing, and her face was swollen. "Oh my God, what happened?"  
"Day – wheeze – zees – wheeze – lillies," she said, pointing. "You – wheeze – idiot - wheeze."  
"I didn't get you flowers," he told her. "And if I did, I wouldn't get you daisies, your allergic to them!"  
"Excuse me," a paramedic said, pushing him aside and putting a mask over Phoebe's face, then stabbing her thigh with a needle. "We'll take it from here."  
Gerald watched helplessly as Phoebe was lifted onto a stretcher and wheeled away. He looked down at the fallen flowers and picked them up. He read the card and shook his head.

_Dear Phoebe,_  
_I'm sorry I was such a slob and jerk. I love you and miss you._  
_Forgive me?_  
_Dinner tonight, seven, Chez Pierre._  
_Love Gerald_

…..

"Alright," his angry voice snapped as he stalked over to the table Helga, Lila and Arnold were sitting at. Sheena had joined them that day. He threw the flowers on the table. "Phoebe's on her way to the hospital!"  
"Oh golly!" Sheena said, covering her mouth. "What happened?"  
Gerald glared at Lila, Arnold and then Helga.  
"Fucking daisies, is what happened."  
He saw Arnold glance at Lila, whose eyes went wide, and her mouth opened into an O. Helga wasn't as subtle.  
"Are you kidding me?" she snapped. "I said no daisies because she's allergic!"  
"I lost the list, oh my gosh, Gerald I am so sorry!" Lila said, tears coming to her eyes. "Is she going to be okay?"  
"She better be, and it's not me you should be apologising too" he snapped. "And whoever was responsible for the reservations at Chez Pierre, can cancel them. I don't think we'll make it."  
"You mean, Chez Paris?" Arnold corrected him. Gerald tossed the card at him.  
"No Chez Pierre!" Gerald turned and stormed off, leaving his friends sitting there stunned. He had just reached his car and gotten in when Helga jumped into the passenger side.  
"What are you doing?" he demanded.  
"Your gonna need someone to back up your story," she told him simply. "Now shut up and drive!"

…

Phoebe's parents were just leaving Phoebe's room, but they let Helga and Gerald in to see her. When they entered her room, she still had a mask on her face, and her face was still a bit swollen.  
"Oh Phoebe!" Helga cried out in dramatic flair. She draped herself over her best friend. "I'm so, so, sorry!"  
Gerald walked in.  
"Are you okay?" he asked. She looked at him and smiled.  
"Gerald had nothing to do with those flowers," Helga told her. "It was mine, Arnold's and Lila's fault!"  
Phoebe nodded, then took off her mask. "I know, Lila text me apologising."  
Helga stepped back and let Gerald move close, to hold Phoebe's hand. "We had dinner reservations tonight. But we can reschedule."  
"I'd like that," Phoebe said. "I'm so sorry, Gerald. I was so mean."  
"I was no saint either," he admitted, sighing. He leaned forward and kissed her softly on her still swollen lips. Then they just lost themselves in each others eyes until -  
"Holy shit!" Helga cursed, bring them out of their romantic reverie. They looked up at her. She pointed to the TV screen. "That's Perv!"  
"Perv?" Phoebe and Gerald asked at the same time. They looked at each other and smiled.  
"Yeah, when I was coming back from picking up a box of your favourite chocolates, I got a flat. That's the guy who stopped to help me, then tried to get into the car with me!"  
"What about it?" Gerald asked.  
"He hijacked, raped and murdered a girl, Geraldo," Helga informed them. "That girl could have been me!"  
Phoebe's stomach flip-flopped. "Oh, my!"  
"Oh my, alright, so you better damn well enjoy those chocolates," Helga said. "I almost died because of those!"

…

"So everything is well again?" Arnold asked, pausing the game and looking over at Gerald.  
"Yeah, me and Pheeb's are cool," he said, smiling. "It's nice to have my girl back. But we're gonna give living with each other a big, long break."  
"Good idea," Arnold said, standing up and stretching.  
"How's Helga? You know, after her "near-death-experience"," Gerald asked, smiling.  
"The police actually came to see her," Arnold said.  
"Really?" Gerald asked surprised. "How'd they know to see her?"  
"Apparently she was speeding and got pulled over and that's how they got not just her details, but the guys details too, including a pic on her phone," Arnold told him. "If Lila hadn't rung her and freaked him out, Helga wouldn't have been the first victim. He's responsible for two others."  
"Holy shit," Gerald said. "So she was alone, on the side of the road, with a serial killer?"  
"Basically, and she's not planning to let you and Phoebe forget anytime soon, either," Arnold informed him.  
"Figures."

...

(This isn't the end)


End file.
